Whether it’s your brother-in-law you just want to kick, your completely incompetent secretary, or your very best frenemy, we all have to buy at least one gift for someone who makes us grind our teeth. Here are some sublimely passive-aggressive suggestions:
Macaron Making Kit- $40 Uncommon Goods
Fact: macarons are disgusting. Follow-up fact: they’re super hard to make. Make your enemies eat their disgusting failures with this ridiculous baking set. Guaranteed to start gathering dust within a week.
Tile App- $25 and up from Tile
Nothing says “I think you’re irresponsible and I hate you” quite like giving someone a GPS device for their keys, wallet, etc. Bonus hate points: buy an extra one and hide it in their car or purse. Just in case you were running out of things to yell about.
Staple-less Staplers- $16 for two at Uncommon Goods
The website claims this stapler “work best on just a few pieces of paper.” Clearly, this means that it will barely work at all, making it perfect for your office enemy. Make a big deal about how green it is, then watch as their work keeps falling apart and getting lost.
Space Pack Charging Case for iPhone- $150 Neiman Marcus
Great for that person who never texts you back “because my phone died.” Oh really? It died. There were no chargers or outlets anywhere. All day. This case will double their battery life and give them extra storage space while taking away the most annoying excuse in the history of ever.
Alex Toys “Ultimate Tape Party” Kit- $27 at Nordstrom
My jaw actually dropped when I read the name of this… toy? Who doesn’t enjoy a good tape party? Just be careful giving this to a kid- they may be in charge of your hospice care someday.
Giant Piano Mat- $99 from Sharper Image
A giant piano is a great gift for a child you love- whose parents you cannot stand. Essentially a giant noisemaker, this mat will take up all kinds of space, whilst slowly driving any grownups within earshot insane. One can only hear ‘chopsticks’ stomped out a-melodically so many times before the walls start to close in.