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I hope you have all sufficiently recovered from the visual holocaust that was the first part of this post, because there’s so much more!  Stop crying.

Just Cavalli

If I ever saw someone wearing this nightmare of mixed prints by Just Cavalli… I don’t know how to finish this sentence because I honestly cannot conceive of that ever happening.

jj

It looks like Bill Cosby and Carlton from Fresh Prince had a sweater baby and put it on a tiger.  There is really no excuse for this, Just Cavalli.

Kenzo

Kenzo has decided to grace us with this odd melange of genie pants, spats, and what seems to be some sort of shirt capelet thing.  I can’t wait to see how forever 21 rips this off.

Louis Vuitton

Hey, Louis Vuitton, can you please stop trying to make fancy shorts happen?  Also, quit it with the striped tights.  Ten year-olds are never going to buy your clothes.  You guys get that, right?

Louis Vuitton

And now, with the patchwork denim, Louis Vuitton?  And what is that, some sort of old-timey aviator hat?  What exactly is the theme of this show?  What Amelia Earhart wore when she was twelve and possibly homeless?

Maison Martin Margiela

Maison Martin Margiela, using what may or may not be a can of sardines as a necklace.

Maison Martin Margiela

They are also apparently making janitor uniforms now.  So…  Good to know.

Max Mara

What did you do with her arms, Max Mara?!  Where are her arms?

Max Mara

This poor lady is about to be smothered by her own lapels.  And there are two sets of lapels.  Furry ones.

McQ by Alexander McQueen

I’m seeing a lot of animal prints this season, and I don’t like it.  There’s animal prints, and then there’s this painted monstrosity from McQ by Alexander McQueen.

Michael Kors, with a camouflage fur coat.

Wow, yet another short-sleeved fur coat.  This time in camouflage.  And what are those sunglasses?  I think this might be the Michael Kors x-men collection.  Let’s see what else he’s showing this season:

jkj

More horrible sunglasses, and a shiny houndstooth suit.  Is this supposed to be futuristic?  because it just looks moronic.

I really want to know where this camouflage is supposed to work.

I really want to know where this camouflage is supposed to work.  I also don’t understand where this suit is supposed to work.

ggg

What is this skirt thing?  It looks like a windsock.

Norma Kamali

Is this a coat made out of potholders?  I think I saw a crazy bag lady wearing this exact quilt.  Wonder how much Norma Kamali is planning to charge for it.

Roberto Cavalli

Are these Roberto Cavalli pants made out of deer? I think these are deer pants.  I can’t handle this.  I need to go breathe into a paper bag for a few minutes…

Roberto Cavalli

…Oh god, I think I came back too soon.  Roberto Cavalli, with yet another see-through pair of pants.  There are some really disturbing trends for fall.  Seriously, how cold would you be in these things?

Rodarte

I think this Rodarte ensemble is what ice dancers wear when they want to become street walkers.

Are people still doing acid?  Is that still a thing?

Are people still doing acid? Is that still a thing?

Temperley London

Temperley London, with what appears to be a jumpsuit decorated like an Egyptian sarcophagus.  I’m normally a fan of a covered-up look that only flashes skin in one area, but I don’t think that one area should be the ankle.

Tom Ford

Clearly Tom Ford is going for mod, but this just looks like a bad screensaver.

Oh god, more mod

Oh god, more mod.  And I thought the last one was overwhelming.  Too much print!

Versace had a bad season.

Versace had a bad season.  This looks like cheap-ass DIY punk, but you know they’ll be charging thousands of dollars for it.  I never thought I’d be saying this on a fashion blog, but just go to Hot Topic!

Versace

I’m not sure if you can call it a shirt when it’s 30% belt.  But I do kind of love those boots.  They go with nothing, but I love them.

vvv

Poor Chester Cheetah, he’s eating cheetos in heaven now.

Ha ha ha ha...

That shirt wasn’t ripped before she got dressed, but she accidentally put the dog collar on first.  Rookie mistake.  It looks like that tiger skirt she’s wearing didn’t go down without a fight.

last one

But maybe this collection is just ahead of its time.  These will be great uniforms for sex slaves in the year 2050.

 

There is so much bad fashion coming this fall.  I think the main trends to avoid are going to be short-sleeved coats, cut-up see-through pants, horrifying prints (especially animal print), and shorts as formal wear.  It will be tough, but we’ll get through it together, I promise.

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