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I really liked a lot of things I saw in designers’ pre-fall collections, so you can imagine my disappointment when I finally got around to looking at the fall ready-to-wear collections.  I’m not going to lie to you, it’s bad.  Like, really bad.  Let’s dive right in:

3.1 Phillip Lim

Phillip Lim made the interesting choice to revive corpses and send them down the runway this year.  The dress (coat?) is bad enough, but those boot/sandal things are the real offenders here.  That is a one-way ticket to frostbite.

Whaaaat?  Is this for real?did Alexander Wang cut the arms off a black bear?

Whaaaat? Is this for real?did Alexander Wang cut the arms off a black bear?  They look like boxing gloves that cover your whole arm!

Armani

I feel like Armani is just trolling us with this.  This cannot be serious.  The chain top, the bubble hat, it’s got to be a joke, right?  Please?

Balenciaga

Ok, the jacket is bad enough, but these slashed pants by Balenciaga are just the worst.  Loving the strategically placed mirror so we can see that, yes, they are slashed on the butt as well.  Classy.

There's a lot of Balmain on this list

There’s a lot of Balmain on this list, and it’s really hard to say which is the worst.  This gold lamé nightmare is a definite contender, though.  I don’t think I have ever seen a less flattering outfit.  It looks like what M.C. Hammer’s grandmother must wear.

Who doesn't want a shimmery suit with giant shoulders?

Who doesn’t want a shimmery suit with giant shoulders?  This suit by Balmain accomplishes a lot.  It makes it look like you have no neck, no waist, no hips, and no taste all in one go.

The gold lamé genie pants make a reappearance in this Balmain look, this time paired with

The gold lamé genie pants make a reappearance in this Balmain look, this time paired with the most hideous vest I’ve ever seen in my life.

This is actually from Balmain's prefall collection, but it's so ugly that I had to include it here.

This is actually from Balmain’s prefall collection, but it’s so ugly that I had to include it here.  What is with Balmain and metallic genie pants this year?  The pink and black stripes are especially hideous, and those earrings look ridiculous.

I usually pretty much ignore Catherine Malandrino, but this abomination is crying out for

I usually pretty much ignore Catherine Malandrino, but this abomination is a cry for help.  What is it?  A lace jumpsuit?  With a peplum skirt?  To be worn in public?  Excuse me, I need to lie down for a minute…

...And I'm back!  Believe it or not, this outfit is by Chanel.

…And I’m back! Believe it or not, this outfit is by Chanel.  I tried to count all the different plaids in this look, I got to four before my eyes started bleeding.

How sweaty are her thighs right now?  Thanks, Christian Siriano, for making a skirt that makes even a model's hips look huge.

How sweaty are her thighs right now? Thanks, Christian Siriano, for making a skirt that makes even a model’s hips look huge.

And here's Comme des Garçons with this year's attempt to push the envelope even further.

And here’s Comme des Garçons with this year’s clown suit.  What is that on her head?  Actual evidence that Rei Kawakubo is pulling her designs out of her ass?  Yes, I’m saying that it’s poop.  It’s a poop headpiece.

Another suit by Comme des Garçons.  It seems to be covered in pinstriped roses?

Another suit by Comme des Garçons. It seems to be covered in pinstriped roses?  With inexplicable cutouts in the leg.  On the bright side, you don’t have to worry about wrinkling this suit.  Which is doubly good, because I don’t think I could figure out how to press this thing if you had a gun to my head.

Another lace jumpsuit, this time by Diane von Furstenberg.

Another lace jumpsuit, this time by Diane von Furstenberg.  Gotta love that purse, too.  This whole ensemble just seems so… practical.  Can you imagine having to go to the bathroom in this?

Emanuel Ungaro, toning down the leopard suit by leaving one leg black.

Emanuel Ungaro, toning down the leopard suit by leaving one leg plain.  I think it helps.

Somebody needs to call Giambattista Valli, because I need to know what this is before I tear it apart.

Somebody needs to call Giambattista Valli, because I need to know what this is before I tear it apart.  It would seem to be a pink fur coat, but coats have long sleeves.  That bow is a choking hazard, too.  In that if I see you wearing it, I will choke you.

Another Giambattista Valli look, this one seems to be a cross between pajamas, a grandma's sweatsuit, and a vivid nightmare I had.

Another Giambattista Valli look, this one seems to be a cross between pajamas, a grandma’s sweatsuit, and a vivid nightmare I had.  And it seems to be made out of wallpaper.

 

Givenchy

Okay, Givenchy, it’s time for an intervention.  This is just sloppy.  What is that leather panel that appears to be safety pinned onto that sad excuse for a dress?  And why is it?

 

Givenchy

This prefall look by Givenchy has a lot going on.  There’s a t-shirt, a skirt with three different types of horrible frills, and pants.  I feel like I’m running out of things to say that are mean enough to say about things that are this bad.  This outfit is bad and they should feel bad.  

 

Oh my god, I just realized we’re not even halfway through all of the horrible fashion pictures.  It’s getting late and I really need to get to bed so I can cry myself to sleep.  You guys just keep rocking back and forth in that corner, and I’ll pick this back up tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

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