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The red carpet at the Oscar awards this year was a study in playing it safe.  There were some gorgeous gowns, some bad choices, but for the most part, everything seemed kind of muted.  Here’s my critique of the dresses that night:

I love Adele, but this Jenny Packham dress is uninspired at best.  It just doesn't say "Oscars" to me, I feel like nominees should wear something showier.

I love Adele, but this Jenny Packham dress is uninspired at best. It just doesn’t say “Oscars” to me, I feel like nominees should wear something showier.

Amanda Seyfried wore a custom Alexander McQueen gown.  It's pretty, but rather run of the mill for McQueen.  So many people wore white on Sunday, why not choose a more stand-out color for your custom gown?

Amanda Seyfried wore a custom Alexander McQueen gown. It’s pretty, but rather run of the mill for McQueen. So many people wore white on Sunday, why not choose a more stand-out color for your custom gown?

Amy Adams chose this poufy Giambattista Valli princess dress.  It definitely stood out amongst all of the mermaid gowns.

Amy Adams chose this poufy Giambattista Valli princess dress. It definitely stood out amongst all of the mermaid gowns, but I hate the raw-edged ruffles.  it looks like the skirt that goes under the actual dress to give it volume.

I don't even know if I like Anne Hathaway's Prada dress or not, all I can see is her nipples.  Is it that cold in LA?

I don’t even know if I like Anne Hathaway’s Prada dress or not, all I can see is her nipples. Is it that cold in LA?

Catherine Zeta-Jones looks stunning in her gold Zuhair Murad dress.  I love it, and she is glowing.

Catherine Zeta-Jones looks stunning in her gold Zuhair Murad dress. I love it, and she is glowing.

Charlize Theron looked radiant, but I'm not a huge fan of the weird peplum on her dior gown.  I much preferred the dress she wore in her dance number with Channing Tatum, which was amazing!

Charlize Theron looked radiant, but I’m not a huge fan of the weird peplum on her dior gown. I much preferred the dress she wore in her dance number with Channing Tatum, which was amazing!

I don't know what Daryl Hannah is wearing, or what is up with her face or her hair.  She looks like a sea witch.

I don’t know what Daryl Hannah is wearing, or what is up with her face or her hair. She looks like a sea witch.

Fan Bingbing stood out in this satin Marchesa.  I don't think it was her best look, but I was very grateful for a bit of color.

Fan Bingbing stood out in this satin Marchesa. I don’t think it was her best look, but I was very grateful for a bit of color.

I know I said I was disappointed that actresses were playing it safe, but I may have spoken too soon.  Halle Berry managed to dig up this horrible Versace dress.  It looks like a government building.

I know I said I was disappointed that actresses were playing it safe, but I may have spoken too soon. Halle Berry managed to dig up this horrible Versace dress. It looks like a government building.

Helen Hunt may have thought she was making some sort of a statement by wearing a dress from H&M, but the only thing I got from it was "you get what you pay for."  This thing is wrinkled as hell, and it even looks like there's a faded streak running right up the middle.

Helen Hunt may have thought she was making some sort of a statement by wearing a dress from H&M, but the only thing I got from it was “you get what you pay for.” This thing is wrinkled as hell, and it even looks like there’s a faded streak running right up the middle.

Helena Bonham Carter has a unique style that often gets her panned by the fashion critics, but I like her in this Vivienne Westwood.

Helena Bonham Carter has a unique style that often gets her panned by the fashion critics, but I like her in this Vivienne Westwood.  It suits her.

Oh Jane Fonda, what were you thinking?  I know Hollywood has a tendency to ignore women over 40, but that doesn't mean you wear a neon yellow Versace

Oh Jane Fonda, what were you thinking? I know Hollywood has a tendency to ignore women over 40, but that doesn’t mean you wear a neon yellow Versace monstrosity straight out of the 80’s.  Look at those shoulder pads.

Jennifer Aniston always looks pretty

Jennifer Aniston always looks pretty, and this Valentino dress is gorgeous.  I just wish she would put her hair up once in a while.  I know she’s going for this California girl thing, but I’d love to see her look really dressed up and polished just once.

I hate this wine-colored Gucci dress.  Jennifer Garner looked great at the golden globes, but this dress hides her shape and makes her look dumpy.

I hate this wine-colored Gucci dress. Jennifer Garner looked great at the golden globes, but this dress hides her shape and makes her look dumpy.

Jennifer Hudson said her stylist cried when she picked this dress, and I think I know why.  How does she pick the one Roberto Cavalli dress that isn't sexy?

Jennifer Hudson said her stylist cried when she picked this dress, and I think I know why. How does she pick the one Roberto Cavalli dress that isn’t sexy?

Jennifer Lawrence truly is stunning in this Dior gown.

Jennifer Lawrence truly is stunning in this Dior gown.  It’s a lot of dress, but she carries it well.

Jessica Chastain chose this beaded Armani gown, and you would think that the peachy-gold color wouldn't work with her skin tone, but it totally does.  She looks amazing.

Jessica Chastain chose this beaded Armani gown, and you would think that the peachy-gold color wouldn’t work with her skin tone, but it totally does. She looks amazing.

What the hell was Kelly Rowland thinking with this Donna Karan disaster?  It looks trashy and thrown together at the last minute.

What the hell was Kelly Rowland thinking with this Donna Karan disaster? It looks trashy and thrown together at the last minute.  This doesn’t even look like a designer gown, it looks like something seventeen year olds buy at Jessica McClintock for prom.

Kerry Washington chose this Miu Miu dress.

Kerry Washington chose this Miu Miu dress.  That’s really all I can say.  I don’t love it, I don’t hate it, it’s just kind of meh.  As is her hair aand the expression on her face.

I love Kristin Chenoweth and I love this dress.  I'm not sure who the designer is, but

I love Kristin Chenoweth and I love this dress. The dress is by Tony Ward, and it suits her so well.  Love her!

Ok Kristen Stewart: you're going to the Oscars.  Do you think you can wash your hair?  I hope Reem Acra charges her a cleaning fee when she returns this thing, cuz she looks like she smells really really bad.

Ok Kristen Stewart: you’re going to the Oscars. Do you think you can wash your hair?  Put on some makeup?  Smile?  No, that’s not a smile, that’s a grimace. I hope Reem Acra charges her a cleaning fee when she returns this thing, cuz she looks like she smells really really bad.  On the bright side, the dress is hideous, so it won’t be any great loss to fashion if they can’t exorcise her stank out of it.

I love Melissa McCarthy, and lord knows I know it's difficult dressing larger women, but wearing a giant shapeless grey dress is perhaps not the way to go a week after Rex Reed calls you a hippo.  Just saying.  I know he's a jackass, but there's no need to feed into it with this David Meister sack.

I love Melissa McCarthy, and lord knows I know it’s difficult dressing larger women, but wearing a giant shapeless grey dress is perhaps not the way to go a week after Rex Reed calls you a hippo. Just saying. I know he’s a jackass, but there’s no need to feed into it with this David Meister sack.

Naomi Watts picked an Armani dress that looks like it's from an extremely dystopian future.  This dress actually makes me angry.

Naomi Watts picked an Armani dress that looks like it’s from an extremely dystopian future. This dress actually makes me angry.

I take back every mean thing I've said about Nicole Kidman.  She looks radiant in this L'Wren Scott dress, and her face doesn't look like she's overdosed on Botox.

I take back every mean thing I’ve said about Nicole Kidman. She looks radiant in this L’Wren Scott dress, and her face doesn’t look like she’s overdosed on Botox for once.

I am not a huge fan of Olivia Munn, but she is shutting it down in this Marchesa gown.  This dress looks even better from the back...

I am not a huge fan of Olivia Munn, but she is shutting it down in this Marchesa gown. This dress looks even better from the back…

Absolutely stunning!

Absolutely stunning!

Ok, this is weird.  When I was watching the red carpet, this Louis Vuitton dress was one of my favorites, but I can't find a single picture of Reese Witherspoon looking good in it!  I guess it's one of those dresses that's just better in motion.

Ok, this is weird. When I was watching the red carpet, this Louis Vuitton dress was one of my favorites, but I can’t find a single picture of Reese Witherspoon looking good in it! I guess it’s one of those dresses that’s just better in motion.

Sally Field looks like she let Mary Todd Lincoln pick out her dress.  What the hell was she thinking?

Sally Field looks like she let Mary Todd Lincoln pick out her dress. What the hell was she thinking?  Look at her face, she looks like she just realized how bad it is.

Salma Hayek looks great in this Alexander McQueen dress.

Salma Hayek looks great in this Alexander McQueen dress.  Her hair’s a little off, and she looks a little washed out, but the dress was a great choice.

Sandra Bullock Elie Saab

Sandra Bullock just doesn’t quite pull this Elie Saab dress off.  I kind of wish that her and Amanda Seyfried switched dresses.  The sheer look works better on a younger actress, and Sandra Bullock looks great in really fancy dresses with her hair in an elegant updo.

Not super sure why we care about Stacy Keibler, but she does look nice in this Rag and Bone Rowan dress.

Not super sure why we care about Stacy Keibler, but she does look nice in this Rag and Bone Rowan dress.

Zoe Saldana elected to wear an Alexis Mabille design.  I don't care for it.

Zoe Saldana elected to wear an Alexis Mabille design. I don’t care for it.  The bodice is cute, but the silver belt is not a black-tie look, and the black ruffles at the bottom feel out of place and just plain wrong.  This is another dress that just looks cheap.

Well there’s my Oscars fashion critiques, what do you guys think?